An expert guide to mastering dirty talk
Sex can be a tricky area for people at times. This is normal and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. If there are areas that interest you but never felt brave enough to try – sex toys for example – it may seem daunting at first.
But fear less, folks. Because here at Lifehacker, we want to give you all the tools you need to learn more about new areas in a safe and comfortable setting.
Today, I want to talk about dirty talk. Of all the Dirty Roulette sex topics, this one can be one of the most intimidating for people because you use your own words.
So, to provide a soft landing for people who are diving into this area for the first time, I enlisted the expertise of psychotherapist and relationship therapist, Christine Rafe of Good Vibes Clinic.
Here are his tips for mastering the pig language.
It does not need to be reserved for the room:
Rafe explained to me that you can experiment with using dirty talk in all kinds of contexts. It doesn’t have to be when you’re in the bedroom, and it doesn’t need to be reserved when you’re in the middle of sex, either.
“Dirty talk isn’t just about when you’re acting, you can talk dirty – whether in person or not – at any time. [with consent]. The dirty talk that occurs long before and long after sex helps fuel the desire for future encounters with that person, ”she said.
Personalize your dirty talk:
One of the easiest ways to explore dirty talk, Rafe explained, is to express what you like. It’s a great way to develop communication around sex, and it’s going to feel pretty darn hot, too.
“Dirty talk is even sexier if it’s something you actually know about your own body or your own experience,” she said.
“Knowing your own pleasure and arousal and then telling your sex partner will increase your pleasure and educate them about your unique sexual pleasure. “
Examples like “I like it when” or “It makes me feel X when you Y” are good places to start.
Practice makes perfect – yes, even with dirty talk:
The only way to get better at anything is to practice, folks. Rafe told me:
“As with any assertive sexual communication, I always encourage my clients to identify the things they would like to say and practice saying them on my own – or with a trusted friend or therapist – out of the moment.
“Talking dirty, especially for newbies, can seem awkward and awkward because we are not socialized in a world where expressing our sexual desires is learned or encouraged. As we practice, we can desensitize ourselves to any deeply rooted shame, embarrassment, or discomfort that we associate with words or actions by repeating the phrase 10 times (or more). Be comfortable saying it for yourself first, and it will become even more natural in the moment. “
Finally, don’t do anything that doesn’t interest you:
Just because you are having sexual experiences doesn’t mean you should feel uncomfortable. Remember you are here to have a good time.
In this regard, Rafe stressed that mutual respect must be present at all times.
“You can have a sex partner who really wants you to chat the way he likes it,” she said.
“That’s fine, but if you really don’t feel comfortable doing it and you don’t want to explore it, please express it to the sexual partner.” We don’t need to be interested in the same things that we are currently sleeping with. If you don’t feel comfortable but want to give it a try, use the other tips I’ve mentioned to develop your own dirty language, then put them into practice and see how you are!
Ultimately, with all sexual exploration, the name of the game is your enjoyment. So, keep these tips in mind and see how they work for you. Have a good discussion!